she's writing a novel

a lot of her writing tends to be tongue-in-cheek. this is because she grew up in an evangelical tradition which was more concerned about where else she might be putting her tongue.

Monday, July 17, 2006

It's too hot for heat

It's 96 degrees outside. Adding to the general misery of this hell-spawned day, one of the cats has gone into heat.

If you've never heard the sound of a cat in heat...when Chewbacca's wife nags him, that's what it sounds like. It's the most god-awful grating sound you can imagine, and it goes on and on. All day and all night for about a week.

Why is the cat not fixed?

Because the cat is an $800 British shorthair purebread showcat that was flown in special for the ex-girlfriend of the Russian lover, back when Russian lover was still living with said ex-girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend had the fantastic idea that she would breed said cat and sell the kittens for a profit. Ta-da.

Well, Ex-girlfriend has failed on the follow-through. Ex-girlfriend and Russian lover parted ways, with the official custody of expensive kitten unresolved. Expensive Kitten is the love child of divorced parents, and she doesn't hide her resentment. No one wants to fix Expensive Kitten, but apparently no one has the time or energy to breed her, either.

So, Expensive Kitten, a woman now, is left to flail around on the floor of the apartment and bemoan her sexless existence in decibals offensive to all tenants of the building. She flings herself down and gargles adamently, calling to a mate that will never come.

And it is Ex-girlfriend's fault. Ex-girlfriend, who HAD to have kittens. And then, HAD to have Expensive Kitten. Except, after obtaining X number of kittens with Russian lover, Ex-girlfriend moved on. She did not move on with the kittens, however. She moved on to marry some kind of Cat Whisperer, who lives off the dividends of his late father's stock and rescues stray cats and therefore provides her with an infinitate, rotating supply of kittens.

Well, I'm a little salty about Ex-girlfriend's abandonment of Expensive Kitten to the care of the Russian lover.

And I'm also a little panicked, because Ex-girlfriend is now pregnant by her Cat Whisperer Husband.

Based on Ex-girlfriend's history of enthusaistically wanting something to love and look after, and then leaving it behind for the Russian lover to love and look after, I am wondering if I should start making room in the apartment for a nursery.

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